It’s very easy to get caught up in doing things and behaving in a way that the world expects you to. There is such a pressure upon us to conform to the majority’s wishes. But who are you? Underneath the persona and image that you present to the world, and to yourself for that matter, who are you really?

If you ever watch a young child, you can see them playing and behaving without feeling self conscious about what anyone else thinks. They act and think perfectly well for themselves. Then they begin to learn the boundaries of what is “acceptable behaviour” and when “they are being silly”. It is then that they begin to understand being self conscious and conforming to those around them. It is natural for a child to learn from older people what things are safe for them to do or not – and that is a good thing. What is perhaps not so helpful, is when those around them force them to behave in a way that doesn’t feel right or bring them joy.

Recently I was watching a film by Dr Wayne Dyer called “The Shift” (which is a brilliant film and well worth seeing). In the film, Wayne describes to a mother (who’s constantly on at her children because she’s terrified they’ll upset or annoy those around them) that he practices what is called “non interference”. He explains that each one of us has a compass within that guides us and we each need to learn how to use it to navigate through life. Children, indeed everyone, learns to use this compass at some point and does not need constant badgering and hassling from others to force them to do things the way the other person wants them to.

As we grow older our Ego Self tends to get more of a grip over us, how we behave, and who we portray to others. This is not who we really are. We are not the responsibilities or the role that we force upon ourselves. We are Beings of Divine Source having a physical experience. Deep within each of us is the loving, patient, joyful, sharing, creating, expanding, powerful, and beautiful authentic self. We are perfect. Whole. Connected.

Rather than trying to force others to do things and behave in the way we want them to because that would make us happy, better to connect with who we really are and then help others do the same. When we act from a place of centredness and connection with the Divine Source within, we understand that we are all connected and so do not try to force others to our will, or be negative towards them in any way.

Becoming and staying centred is not something that can necessarily be achieved easily over night. However, with each passing moment, with each passing breath, we can use our intention to connect with our pure and authentic selves. If we find we’re disconnected and being grouchy or irritable because someone isn’t doing what we want them to, it’s then that we can remind ourselves to take a deep breath and reconnect with the Divine Source within.

It’s all about choice and intention. Intend to connect with the Divine Source within you and it will become easier with time… to the point that you’re doing it without thinking about it. At the same time, when you’re interacting with others, intend to connect with their authentic self too. Aim to see past the illusion Ego Self and interactions can be a whole lot smoother and enjoyable.

What do you think of your body? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you think it’s OK? Do you love it? Take a few minutes just to think about your body. Are there bits that you like and bits that you don’t? What would you change if you could? And if you could change it, why would you want to change it? For yourself or to please others?

Excuse my Socratic questioning to start this week’s musing as there aren’t really any right or wrong answer to those questions. However there are helpful and unhelpful answers in terms of how you think and treat yourself.

In life, people tend to think about and treat us in a similar way to how we think about and treat ourselves. So if you don’t like the way you look then people around you will respond to that. I think many of us have days where we look in the mirror and think “do you know, I’m not half bad” and we go out feeling good. The response we get from others is typically the same I find. They smile and are much more complimentary about me. Now I’m not saying we should all go out looking for compliments – after all, at the end of the day what other people think about us and whether they think we’re “attractive” or not really doesn’t matter.

The thing to remember is this, The All That Is (of which you are most definitely a part) created the body in which your Soul currently resides. Everything that the All That Is creates is perfect and beautiful. Therefore, you must be perfect and beautiful too. Think about it this way. You have the perfect body for what you need to achieve and learn in this physical experience you’re having right now. Another body would most certainly now allow you to learn what you need to learn as effectively.

Now here’s another take on it. Masuru Emoto, is a man who did lots of experiments upon water crystals and the effect that emotions, actions and feelings had upon them. He found that when you focused angry and negative thoughts at water, the crystals within it became malformed and unpleasant to look at. Whereas when positive, happy, and joyful thoughts were focused the crystals became even more beautiful and wonderfully formed.

Why am I telling you about this obscure Japanese Scientist? Well… think about your body again for a moment. It is made up of around 70% water. So…. If we take the principle that your thoughts and emotions affect water crystals in a glass of water, they will also affect the water within your own body. Ergo, the better you think about yourself the more healthy you can become. This relates too to how you think about other people. Your thoughts and feelings will have an effect upon those around you in the same way.

Now if you’ve spent most of your life telling yourself negative things about how you look “I’m fat”, “I’m ugly” “I’m not attractive” telling yourself the opposite can be quite challenging and end up being completely counter-productive. So why not try “Today I’m going to like myself more for who I am” or something one those lines. Or “just for today I’m going to love myself for me” or “I accept all of myself, deeply and completely”. Not only will this have a positive effect upon your physical body, it will also help to reprogram your subconscious mind.

Remember, energy follows thought – this has been demonstrated both by Mr Emoto, and other quantum physicists around the world. You literally “are what you think”. Final reminder – you are a beautiful being and everything about you is perfect right now. I’ll say it again – you have the perfect body right now to teach you everything you need for this physical experience. Love it and appreciate it for giving you the opportunity to have this physical experience.

Who were you yesterday? Take a moment to think about the following:

• who you were
• what you were doing
• why you were doing it
• how you were feeling
• how you were behaving

So what did you come up with? Did you find that easy or hard? To be honest it doesn’t really matter what your answers were to those descriptors because what does matter is who you will be today.


We are not who we were yesterday. Indeed, in each new moment we are not who we were just a moment before that! We cannot be. Our bodies are changing all the time, as is the world around us. This means that our experiences, every single one of them, also affect us so that we are different from who we were previously.


The reason for these rhetorical questions is to remind you that you can be who or whatever you want at any given time.


Remember when you were a child, you probably dressed up and “played” at some point. Perhaps you had a dressing up box too – we didn’t but I wish we did! Anyway, if you think back, or actually watch young children dressing up, they really take on the roles of who they’re pretending to be. For that few hours of play, that child really is “Superman” or “The Doctor” or “Wonder Woman” and so on. The thing about these roles as you get older is that the more you “play” at the role, the more you actually become it. You are teaching yourself to behave in a particular way.


The thing with us as we get older and play out different roles is that forget that we can take off the particular costume and either be someone else, or just really be ourselves. By that latter statement I mean the authentic, loving, compassionate, forgiving, understanding, and lots of other positive “ings” – because that’s who we really are. Soul consciousness which is just a part of The All That Is.


We also need to remember that the others are really not the roles they play – they also are Consciousness incarnate. The Ego would have us believe the roles we and others play to keep us in a place of stagnation and fear. You know that the little girl in the fairy costume is still the little girl you know and love even if she is “being a fairy” right now. So too are you the loving Soul underneath the role of “grumpy person” that you may sometimes choose to be.


It’s important to remind ourselves that we can be whoever or whatever we want to be. Our past only restricts us if we allow it to.


Knowing that you are not the person you were yesterday, who will you be today? What do you want to feel? What will you do to make yourself happier and more in touch with who you really are? You are Soul Consciousness – will you choose that or will you allow the Ego to choose a role for you? Whatever you choose, remind yourself that, in any given moment, you can always choose something different.

"Love is a choice you make from moment to moment"
Barbara De Angelis

We are all more than what we do and what we actually see. Bear this in mind the whole time you read this musing and, indeed, for the rest of your life. For it is true – we are more than what we do.

A few experiences have really brought this to the front of my mind recently and I’d like to share them with you.

I was watching a drama on TV recently about a group of forensic pathologists who work with the police to solve crimes (Silent Witness). A recent episode was about gang culture and turf wars around London – no so very far from where I live. I found it quite disturbing to watch groups of youths gang raping girls to initiate them into the group, and also the senseless violence of stabbing each other to show prowess and mark territory. Now whilst this was just a television show, this kind of behaviour can be borne out just by listening to the news.

I found it quite shocking not only because of what I saw but also the anger, resentment and hidden prejudices I found within me. The latter upset me the most I think. I found myself getting quite fearful about being attacked given how close all these (well known) trouble spots are to where I live – in spite of the fact that I’ve lived here for 13 years without any problems whatsoever! The anger and resentment towards these groups was quite pronounced and that I find disturbing too. It was then that I heard in my head a calm voice saying “remember, we are all more than what we do and what we see”. This calm voice cut right through the fear and allowed me to become centred again.

The Ego is a thing that would have us stay in a place of fear and stagnation – not moving forward and needing to put others down to a) get ahead and b) make us feel good about ourselves. We attack when we feel threatened and we learn behaviour from what we see around us. These youths on the program were clearly acting in a way that they had learned from watching those around them, and also because behaving in that way made them feel better about themselves. Whether or not we agree with what they did it is what we can find ourselves doing when we don’t know any other way of making ourselves feel better and safer.

I have also witnessed a couple of arguments by people around me who have verbally attacked each other because they fear not being good enough and/or not being loved. This is the Ego in play again – making us believe that we need to behave this way in order to feel better about ourselves and to show others that we are worth more. When people are aggressive and attack all it is, in the grand scheme of things, is a cry for love.

This all stems from a place of fear of not being loved and worth loving. Simple as that. Underneath the Ego, is the beautiful Soul-Self that is connected to everyone and everything. That is who and what we truly are. When we Know this it becomes so much easier to show compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that what the other person has done was right – just that it is their Ego and no who they really are. This means that we can continue loving them for the beautiful Soul that they are, forgive them for what they have done, and allow the hurt, grief, and anger to dissolve away.

The key message from this really is: choose to look past the Ego of those you meet and interact with, and, using your intention, connect with the amazingly beautiful Soul that lies in the centre. Do this for yourself too…. For that is the true essence of who we really are.

Have you ever heard of the Butterfly Effect theory? For those that haven’t, the phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location. The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale alterations of events (i.e. domino effect). Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. While the butterfly does not "cause" the tornado in the sense of providing the energy for the tornado, it does "cause" it in the sense that the flap of its wings is an essential part of the initial conditions resulting in a tornado, and without that flap that particular tornado would not have existed.

Now why am I going on about butterflies and tornadoes you may well ask. Well let’s take the principal of the theory – doing something at the right time in the right place, or the wrong time and wrong place (or even right place wrong time or wrong place right time!) The mind boggles! Whatever we do has consequences – just like a butterfly flapping its wings can potentially help to cause a devastating tornado somewhere else… or avert it – so too do our thoughts and actions.

Remember whatever we think produces energy which we project out into the world. If it’s negative thoughts we’re thinking then the energy we’re sending out will also be negative – the same for positive thoughts. Our thoughts and feelings about people send them energy – whether positive or negative. It’s worth thinking about that our one negative thought or action could potentially be the one final thing that causes them to tip over the edge (the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back). This is why it is so absolutely key to monitor our thoughts and feelings about people. Do we really want to have to take responsibility for being the person who created the thought that helped someone hit rock bottom?

It’s better to take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions right now and make sure we alter our thinking from negative to positive as soon as we notice it. One thing I would add to this – if you notice yourself feeling angry or resentful (or some other negative feeling) about a person or situation don’t immediately beat yourself up for it. Acknowledge that you’re thinking it, let it go and choose to think something more positive that makes you feel better. Beating yourself up and feeling negative about yourself is just transferring the negative thoughts back onto you. The butterfly effect can work on ourselves too – that’s a key thing to understand. Don’t allow yourself to be the butterfly-wing flap that causes you to tip the balance.

Many people, when they realise they’ve done or said something that has helped to cause upset in someone else’s life immediately start beating up on themselves. The reasons for this can be two-fold: i) they genuinely do feel bad about it and ii) they can also fall into victim mode and beat themselves up publicly to get people to feel sorry for them. Again, here it’s best just to acknowledge what you’ve done wasn’t helpful, apologise, and then move on. Don’t belabour it. Remember, we don’t have to tell someone we’ve thought negative things about them – that could well be the wing flap that tips them over.

I realise there’s quite a bit to think about from this week’s musings and some of it will be uncomfortable because the ego-self likes to remind us of all the times when we have been negative. The butterfly effect can also be used in a positive way – the right comment at the right time can really help lift someone up. The key message here is: watch your thoughts and feelings and when you find yourself thinking and feeling negative breathe it out, let it go, and then find thoughts that feel much more positive. Love yourself for making that new choice.