Now I’m not sure about you but when I hear those words I have to admit that one of the first things I think about is the song by Cher! Hmmmm! Whilst I’m not here to talk about the veritable merits (or otherwise!) of Cher’s music, some of the words in this song are actually quite pertinent to my musings today:

If I could turn back time,
If I could find a way,
And take back those words that hurt you,
Etc, etc

I’m willing to bet that you’ve said words similar to yourself (or others) at some point in your life. I think we’ve all been there where we’ve either said or done something that has provoked a response from someone else. Whether that response was physical pain, emotional hurt, or an angry outburst there was still a reaction and an outcome which we regret.

The point is we cannot go back in time and change what has happened. We can only deal with what is. All too often something like this can happen and we then keep chewing over and over it, feeling worse and worse. I think Edith Piaff had the best approach with the song “Non, Je ne regretted rien” (No I have no regrets). Regret is an emotion which comes from the Ego. It’s not a very empowering emotion. It keeps us in a place of feeling dreadful, disappointed, and worst of all helpless. In one way, yes we are absolutely helpless in terms of actually changing the past. But we can learn from it.

In order to move forward in life we need to learn how better to make peace with our past. If thinking about something that happened in your past brings back feelings of anger, fear, resentment, sadness, distress, embarrassment, or discomfort, it’s quite clear that you have not made peace with it. It will always be there in the corner of your mind. Like a jack-in-the-box that you keep pushing back down and closing the lid, hoping it’ll stay there. And, of course, it will… until someone comes along and accidentally pushes the button to operate it. It is then that all those negative feelings whoosh back out to be dealt with. Perhaps it’s better to fix a rocket to the jack-in-the-box so that when it does pop out it whizzes off somewhere never to be seen again!

The thing about regrets is that they hold us back. We say things like “If only I had done such-and-such”, or “If only I hadn’t done such-and-such”. The thing is we did, or didn’t do whatever it was.

Letting go of the past isn’t just about negative experiences though. There are occasions when we’re stuck in the past where “things were good” and we may regret or resent that they have changed. All things change. The one constant in life, is change.

Reflection on the past can most certainly help – but only when it’s done from a place of centredness and unconditional love. I hear people say “That’s easy to say, but not easy to do”. My answer? “It’s as easy as we choose to make it”. I know that’s potentially going to slightly irritate some. The fact is, that is the truth. We can choose to wallow in regret, or we can choose to do something about where we are, reflect upon what we’ve learned, and then begin again the journey forward.

The other thing about letting go of the past is, we don’t have to try doing it alone. There are quite a few ways I can think of, easy ways, that can help us make peace with the past:

- Bach flower remedies (Willow can be good here for resentment, or Honeysuckle for living in the past)
- EFT (emotional freedom technique) can help you let go of the negative emotions so that you can review the past from a more centred perspective
- Essences of Illumination/Illuminatrix – the Purity and Authenticity essences are great for letting go of that which is no longer helping you move forward
- Writing down any negative feelings and emotions about how you are feeling about what happened (or didn’t happen) and then burning it. This can be quite cathartic
- Reiki is a wonderful way of dissolving negative emotion and, because reiki transcends time and space, you can send the energy back to the situation to help heal it from then, as well as where you are now
- Ho’oponopono (a wonderful, easy-to-do, technique from Hawaii: I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you).

Talking to someone about what happened can also help, but only if it’s done from a place of centredness. Talking about the past in just a negative, resentment, and angry way just keeps adding to the negative energy of it. It needs to be done from a place of calm, centredness and, most importantly, from a place of non-judgement.

And here’s the real thing about it all: it’s judgement that is one of the cornerstones of not letting go of, and making peace with, the past. We judge ourselves and we judge others. Unless and until we can let go of judging and judgements we’ll find it increasingly difficult to make peace with the past and move forward more freely. Using one or some of the techniques I’ve mentioned already can also help with letting go of judgements.

I’ll leave you with this thought: The past has happened. We cannot change it. We can, however, change our feelings towards it. Let go of any feelings of powerlessness and being a victim. We are all incredibly powerful creators and have the power within us to create the lives we want. We can only do this if we are living in the Now. For remember, Now is all there is.

The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. Benjamin Disraeli

For me, one of the most wonderful feelings I can have at times is knowing that I’ve helped someone with a problem or situation they’re dealing with. It is my belief that we’re all here to help and support each other. However it is also my belief that we’re here to help and support ourselves too! Living a life of service to others is all very well, and commendable, however it’s no good if we’re not paying attention to ourselves and our own needs as well.

It can be very easy to get so drawn into helping others that we neglect our own needs and our own development. Sometimes this is down to avoidance of dealing with our own stuff so, by helping others with their issues, we can pop them under the carpet. Of course, life doesn’t work that way and at some point the carpet will be pulled back to reveal all the things we’ve shoved under it… usually because it’s so packed with things that we trip over it!

We can also become addicted to the feelings we get from helping others which helps us feel good about ourselves. This addiction can give us a sense of validation in terms of who we are and the contribution we make in life. The downside of course is that when we do something for someone who doesn’t necessarily thank us or acknowledge what we do, we can become very down, angry, and depressed. The tendency then can be either to get really angry with the person for not acknowledging what we’ve done or to withdraw from helping others completely and become resentful. Neither of which are helpful responses.

One question we can ask ourselves before jumping in to help someone else is “have they actually asked me for help?”. Actually, there are a couple more questions too:

• Do they look as if they need help?
• Do they look like they’re open to receiving help?
• Am I helping them because I genuinely want to help or because it will make me feel good?

Let’s look at this “helping business” from another point of view. If we continually rush in to help others who appeartruggling we may actually not be helping them in the long run. For example, if a parent continually ties the child’s shoe laces because the child struggles to do it him/herself is that really helpful in the long run? I think one of the hardest things, but sometimes most helpful, we that can do at times is to lovingly stand back and allow the person we want to help to ask for it if he/she needs or wants it. “Oh yes,” I hear you say, “but what if he/she doesn’t have the confidence to ask for help or doesn’t like to feel like they’re imposing?”. Well here’s a bit of tough love… is that your issue or theirs?

In life we need to understand that there are times when we do need help and we must learn to let go of feelings of pride and/or inadequacy and actually ask for it. However, there are also times when it’s more helpful to try working things through for ourselves first. Otherwise how will we learn, grow, and develop? If we don’t develop ourselves we can become too reliant upon others to solve things and do things for us. The problem here, of course, is that a) we cannot always count on them being around when we need them and b) we can become so needy that it pushes people away from us. I’m sure you’ve been there with someone you know who has become so needy that you start to avoid them. Not comfortable for us or the person who’s being needy (and vice versa if we’re the ones being needy!).

When I think about this, I’m reminded of the “good Samaritan” who sees an old lady waiting by the curb of a road looking left and right, so he rushes to help her and practically forces her across the road. It’s only when he gets to the other side that she gets the chance to tell him she was waiting for a friend and didn’t need to cross the road at all!

I remember when I first started coaching people (scares me to think it was around 18 years ago!) I would quickly see what the potential solution could be for them and offer it up without giving them much opportunity to at least try to come up with options themselves. At times this was great as they went away happy knowing what they’d do next. Unfortunately, of course, none of us can ever really know what is best for someone else, especially when making life decisions, because we’re all different. Some clients became over-reliant on me finding solutions to their problems with the occasional blame because things didn’t turn out well when they’d tried what I suggested. I quickly learned to help them with options and decide for themselves what they would do. I still offer options but usually only when the person is struggling or if they ask me to, and then it’s only to get the ball rolling for them to consider other things they could do.

I know that my big sister won’t mind my saying that she has struggled with this at times with her three children. She hates to see them struggling or doing things that will bring them pain (both physical and emotional). But she knows, like most parents, you cannot stop your children from making mistakes, nor live their lives for them. How else will those we love be able to grow and evolve? By constantly rushing in to help we can actually cause more harm than good.

I’m not saying never help anyone else, just think first about whether it’s the most beneficial thing for you and them. Perhaps asking if they need help first before just rushing in is a more helpful approach?

Stopping briefly to ask ourselves those questions I mentioned above before rushing in to help others can be more beneficial to yourself and the person you want to help. For ease, here they are again:

• Do they look as if they need help?
• Have they actually asked me for help?
• Do they look like they’re open to receiving help?
• Am I helping them because I genuinely want to help or because it will make me feel good?

Let me add a final question to that list: “Is helping them actually the best thing for me to do right now?”

I know this is a bit of a long one this week, but there are so many elements to it that I wanted to touch on. To conclude, gauge the situation before rushing in to help and decide whether to offer it, or lovingly stand back and wait. Whichever you decide, make sure you do it from a place of centredness and not from ego.

The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. Benjamin Disraeli

For me, one of the most wonderful feelings I can have at times is knowing that I’ve helped someone with a problem or situation they’re dealing with. It is my belief that we’re all here to help and support each other. However it is also my belief that we’re here to help and support ourselves too! Living a life of service to others is all very well, and commendable, however it’s no good if we’re not paying attention to ourselves and our own needs as well.

It can be very easy to get so drawn into helping others that we neglect our own needs and our own development. Sometimes this is down to avoidance of dealing with our own stuff so, by helping others with their issues, we can pop them under the carpet. Of course, life doesn’t work that way and at some point the carpet will be pulled back to reveal all the things we’ve shoved under it… usually because it’s so packed with things that we trip over it!

We can also become addicted to the feelings we get from helping others which helps us feel good about ourselves. This addiction can give us a sense of validation in terms of who we are and the contribution we make in life. The downside of course is that when we do something for someone who doesn’t necessarily thank us or acknowledge what we do, we can become very down, angry, and depressed. The tendency then can be either to get really angry with the person for not acknowledging what we’ve done or to withdraw from helping others completely and become resentful. Neither of which are helpful responses.

One question we can ask ourselves before jumping in to help someone else is “have they actually asked me for help?”. Actually, there are a couple more questions too:

• Do they look as if they need help?
• Do they look like they’re open to receiving help?
• Am I helping them because I genuinely want to help or because it will make me feel good?

Let’s look at this “helping business” from another point of view. If we continually rush in to help others who appeartruggling we may actually not be helping them in the long run. For example, if a parent continually ties the child’s shoe laces because the child struggles to do it him/herself is that really helpful in the long run? I think one of the hardest things, but sometimes most helpful, we that can do at times is to lovingly stand back and allow the person we want to help to ask for it if he/she needs or wants it. “Oh yes,” I hear you say, “but what if he/she doesn’t have the confidence to ask for help or doesn’t like to feel like they’re imposing?”. Well here’s a bit of tough love… is that your issue or theirs?

In life we need to understand that there are times when we do need help and we must learn to let go of feelings of pride and/or inadequacy and actually ask for it. However, there are also times when it’s more helpful to try working things through for ourselves first. Otherwise how will we learn, grow, and develop? If we don’t develop ourselves we can become too reliant upon others to solve things and do things for us. The problem here, of course, is that a) we cannot always count on them being around when we need them and b) we can become so needy that it pushes people away from us. I’m sure you’ve been there with someone you know who has become so needy that you start to avoid them. Not comfortable for us or the person who’s being needy (and vice versa if we’re the ones being needy!).

When I think about this, I’m reminded of the “good Samaritan” who sees an old lady waiting by the curb of a road looking left and right, so he rushes to help her and practically forces her across the road. It’s only when he gets to the other side that she gets the chance to tell him she was waiting for a friend and didn’t need to cross the road at all!

I remember when I first started coaching people (scares me to think it was around 18 years ago!) I would quickly see what the potential solution could be for them and offer it up without giving them much opportunity to at least try to come up with options themselves. At times this was great as they went away happy knowing what they’d do next. Unfortunately, of course, none of us can ever really know what is best for someone else, especially when making life decisions, because we’re all different. Some clients became over-reliant on me finding solutions to their problems with the occasional blame because things didn’t turn out well when they’d tried what I suggested. I quickly learned to help them with options and decide for themselves what they would do. I still offer options but usually only when the person is struggling or if they ask me to, and then it’s only to get the ball rolling for them to consider other things they could do.

I know that my big sister won’t mind my saying that she has struggled with this at times with her three children. She hates to see them struggling or doing things that will bring them pain (both physical and emotional). But she knows, like most parents, you cannot stop your children from making mistakes, nor live their lives for them. How else will those we love be able to grow and evolve? By constantly rushing in to help we can actually cause more harm than good.

I’m not saying never help anyone else, just think first about whether it’s the most beneficial thing for you and them. Perhaps asking if they need help first before just rushing in is a more helpful approach?

Stopping briefly to ask ourselves those questions I mentioned above before rushing in to help others can be more beneficial to yourself and the person you want to help. For ease, here they are again:

• Do they look as if they need help?
• Have they actually asked me for help?
• Do they look like they’re open to receiving help?
• Am I helping them because I genuinely want to help or because it will make me feel good?

Let me add a final question to that list: “Is helping them actually the best thing for me to do right now?”

I know this is a bit of a long one this week, but there are so many elements to it that I wanted to touch on. To conclude, gauge the situation before rushing in to help and decide whether to offer it, or lovingly stand back and wait. Whichever you decide, make sure you do it from a place of centredness and not from ego.

The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. Benjamin Disraeli

For me, one of the most wonderful feelings I can have at times is knowing that I’ve helped someone with a problem or situation they’re dealing with. It is my belief that we’re all here to help and support each other. However it is also my belief that we’re here to help and support ourselves too! Living a life of service to others is all very well, and commendable, however it’s no good if we’re not paying attention to ourselves and our own needs as well.

It can be very easy to get so drawn into helping others that we neglect our own needs and our own development. Sometimes this is down to avoidance of dealing with our own stuff so, by helping others with their issues, we can pop them under the carpet. Of course, life doesn’t work that way and at some point the carpet will be pulled back to reveal all the things we’ve shoved under it… usually because it’s so packed with things that we trip over it!

We can also become addicted to the feelings we get from helping others which helps us feel good about ourselves. This addiction can give us a sense of validation in terms of who we are and the contribution we make in life. The downside of course is that when we do something for someone who doesn’t necessarily thank us or acknowledge what we do, we can become very down, angry, and depressed. The tendency then can be either to get really angry with the person for not acknowledging what we’ve done or to withdraw from helping others completely and become resentful. Neither of which are helpful responses.

One question we can ask ourselves before jumping in to help someone else is “have they actually asked me for help?”. Actually, there are a couple more questions too:

• Do they look as if they need help?
• Do they look like they’re open to receiving help?
• Am I helping them because I genuinely want to help or because it will make me feel good?

Let’s look at this “helping business” from another point of view. If we continually rush in to help others who appeartruggling we may actually not be helping them in the long run. For example, if a parent continually ties the child’s shoe laces because the child struggles to do it him/herself is that really helpful in the long run? I think one of the hardest things, but sometimes most helpful, we that can do at times is to lovingly stand back and allow the person we want to help to ask for it if he/she needs or wants it. “Oh yes,” I hear you say, “but what if he/she doesn’t have the confidence to ask for help or doesn’t like to feel like they’re imposing?”. Well here’s a bit of tough love… is that your issue or theirs?

In life we need to understand that there are times when we do need help and we must learn to let go of feelings of pride and/or inadequacy and actually ask for it. However, there are also times when it’s more helpful to try working things through for ourselves first. Otherwise how will we learn, grow, and develop? If we don’t develop ourselves we can become too reliant upon others to solve things and do things for us. The problem here, of course, is that a) we cannot always count on them being around when we need them and b) we can become so needy that it pushes people away from us. I’m sure you’ve been there with someone you know who has become so needy that you start to avoid them. Not comfortable for us or the person who’s being needy (and vice versa if we’re the ones being needy!).

When I think about this, I’m reminded of the “good Samaritan” who sees an old lady waiting by the curb of a road looking left and right, so he rushes to help her and practically forces her across the road. It’s only when he gets to the other side that she gets the chance to tell him she was waiting for a friend and didn’t need to cross the road at all!

I remember when I first started coaching people (scares me to think it was around 18 years ago!) I would quickly see what the potential solution could be for them and offer it up without giving them much opportunity to at least try to come up with options themselves. At times this was great as they went away happy knowing what they’d do next. Unfortunately, of course, none of us can ever really know what is best for someone else, especially when making life decisions, because we’re all different. Some clients became over-reliant on me finding solutions to their problems with the occasional blame because things didn’t turn out well when they’d tried what I suggested. I quickly learned to help them with options and decide for themselves what they would do. I still offer options but usually only when the person is struggling or if they ask me to, and then it’s only to get the ball rolling for them to consider other things they could do.

I know that my big sister won’t mind my saying that she has struggled with this at times with her three children. She hates to see them struggling or doing things that will bring them pain (both physical and emotional). But she knows, like most parents, you cannot stop your children from making mistakes, nor live their lives for them. How else will those we love be able to grow and evolve? By constantly rushing in to help we can actually cause more harm than good.

I’m not saying never help anyone else, just think first about whether it’s the most beneficial thing for you and them. Perhaps asking if they need help first before just rushing in is a more helpful approach?

Stopping briefly to ask ourselves those questions I mentioned above before rushing in to help others can be more beneficial to yourself and the person you want to help. For ease, here they are again:

• Do they look as if they need help?
• Have they actually asked me for help?
• Do they look like they’re open to receiving help?
• Am I helping them because I genuinely want to help or because it will make me feel good?

Let me add a final question to that list: “Is helping them actually the best thing for me to do right now?”

I know this is a bit of a long one this week, but there are so many elements to it that I wanted to touch on. To conclude, gauge the situation before rushing in to help and decide whether to offer it, or lovingly stand back and wait. Whichever you decide, make sure you do it from a place of centredness and not from ego.

The Universe in which we live is a wonderful place. Full of beauty and mystery. It is also incredibly powerful, and ever creating and evolving. It’s not often we think about what a powerful Creator the Universe is and, in addition, that we ourselves are made up from the same energy of creation. As the Universe expands, so too do we expand. As we expand, so too does the Universe expand. Just like in Hermetic Law: As above so below. As within so without.

Bearing in mind this powerful ability to create, expand, and evolve, why is it, do you think, that we limit ourselves in what we try to create? So you probably all have heard of the Law of Attraction (i.e. what you think about and focus upon, you attract into your lives) and many of you will use that to manifest into your lives all the things you want (or unconsciously attract into your lives all the things you don’t want because that’s what you’re thinking about!). But here’s the thing…. How much do you really trust the Universe to send it or something better to you? So often I hear of people aiming to manifest something quite small because rather than something that they really want. For instance, someone I spoke to recently was trying to manifest for herself a weekend away because she felt she needed a break. I asked her “why not manifest a week or more?” “Oh no”, she replied, “I couldn’t do that because I can’t afford the time off”. Do you see how limiting that can be? If you’re going to aim to manifest these things you must trust the Universe to bring you everything you need to make it happen. If you really want at least a week off work, then go for it – the Universe really will provide you with everything you need to make it happen.

However, all too often we get stuck in the “I can’t do that because….” And, if we’re really honest, “It’s too big for me to really manifest so I’ll make do with something smaller”. That’s like your mother telling you that you can have the whole day to play on a Saturday but you say “Oh no, I don’t deserve that I’ll just play for an hour”!!!! The thing is, you can’t “bank” the time you don’t use for use later… you need to grab the opportunities as they arise. Sure the Universe will always send you more, but why keep yourself in a place of hard work and tiredness? It’s a bit like saving for a rainy day…. Which can be helpful. Unless you never spend that money for fear of the rain day.

It’s key to remember that the Universe is limitless. Which means there is enough for everyone. Repeat this to yourself again and again (for the rest of your life if necessary!) until you believe it. Not everyone wants the same things or the same experiences because we’re all different. But even if we want similar things there is enough for everyone. The Universe will never run out. Plus it actually wants you to experience joy and happiness in your life, and so it will do whatever it can to bring you what you focus upon. It’s job is to create and evolve, and we, as extensions of the Universe, also create and evolve. In order to do that the Universe provides everything that we need. Our only job is to allow it into our experience and keep on creating, evolving, and experiencing.

So back to this long weekend then… why not, when manifesting something, say to yourself “I want this or something better”. What if we are limiting ourselves to the long-weekend when the Universe is thinking “Ah but I was going to send you two weeks! Ok, if you only want the weekend, so be it”.

Nothing is too big for us to manifest for ourselves and our experiences. We just need to trust that it will come to us, know that we deserve to receive it, and feel good about actually receiving it. We need to be in vibrational alignment with what we ask for. Remember, the moment we ask the Universe for something it is provided. Instantly. I’ll say it again, all we need to do is allow it into our experience by knowing we deserve to receive and feeling good about it.

So remember two things: “there is enough for everyone” and “…. This or something better”. Don’t limit yourself to something small when Life wants to give you something huge.