Life is all about expectations really isn’t it. Have you noticed that? What we expect to happen, and I do mean really expect to happen, usually does. I don’t mean here the half-hearted expectations – I mean the firm beliefs and intentions we set for ourselves about what we want from life.

The challenge with expectations, of course, is that we all have different expectations both of ourselves and, as unhelpfully at times (!), other people. Let me expand upon that. I was in the supermarket the other day and I heard a mother telling her son she “didn’t expect him to behave that way in public because it embarrassed her”. Never mind that she was shouting this at him and drawing more attention to herself than he had in the first place by running up and down the aisle and accidentally knocking into someone (i.e me! )

Don’t worry this is not going to be a lecture about “good parenting”. I am the last to qualify on that given I have no children of my own. What I’m focusing upon here is the expectations we have of other people and how angry we allow ourselves to get when other people don’t live up to them. At the end of the day, why should they?! Isn’t that placing our model of the world around others and trying to force them to do what we want them to do, rather than allowing them the freedom of choice to act on their own conscience and guidance systems?

Even children have their own guidance system and will learn quite quickly about what is helpful and unhelpful behaviour. Of course we’re here to give them guidance to help them navigate the world around them, but at the end of the day, no matter what you do, the child will make up its own mind about what it wants to do. And, as we get older, that sense of “Self” and expectation grows.

If we expect ourselves continually to “fail” (although I don’t really like that word myself – there is no failure, just different outcomes) then we surely will. Put another way, if we expect ourselves not to deliver or manifest what it is we actually want then we never will. What’s that quote “whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’ll be right” (by Henry Ford).

Going back to expectations by others, have you ever heard yourself (or someone around you) “I just never expected that of him/her”. Let me push a button and ask “why not?”. The thing with expectation is that, with it, comes judgment. If people don’t do what we expect there is potentially a positive or negative judgment that goes with it. Or, even better (!), if people do what we expect (i.e. behave in a way which we don’t like) there’s even more judgment!

Surely it’s better not to have expectations about other people and just focus upon expecting the best of and for ourselves. Let other people take care of their own expectations. So rather than thinking “Oh I hope that X doesn’t get drunk and start to become annoying”, think instead “I’m going to go out and expect to have a good time, regardless of what happens”. Do you see the difference? You’re putting the onus, and expectation, upon yourself and what you want to create for yourself.

One last thought to leave you with…. When we are truly connected with the loving, authentic Self within, there is nothing that we could expect for ourselves that would harm anyone else. Fact. What will you expect for yourself today? Try expecting something wonderful and see what happens, but whatever does, I expect to connect with you again next week!

"Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." Erica Jong

Each passing moment brings with it a brand new opportunity to begin creating exactly what you want in life. All it takes is focus and remembering that you are the architect of your own life.

That’s quite exciting though. Isn’t it? Knowing that you can create and enjoy whatever you want in life? The question is – do you know what you really want? Are you being honest with yourself about what you want and why you want it.

The Ego Self is a tricky little bugger at times and will make you think you don’t want something when IT actually wants it. What I mean by that is, we complain about hardships in life and sometimes moan because “everything’s so awful” and yet the Ego Self is actually delighting in what’s going on because it’s keeping you in a place of stagnation. There can also be huge secondary gains from moaning about “everything being awful”: While you’re moaning people are feeling sorry for you; while you’re moaning you’re not actually taking responsibility for moving yourself forward; while you’re moaning there’s no fear of failure; while you’re moaning, there’s no fear of Success!

The Ego Self would have you believe one of the best ways of getting attention and love from others is by having them feel sorry for you. At first, this can seem to be true as people run about doing whatever they can for you. Eventually though, people can become tired of it and/or frustrated because you appear not to be taking responsibility for helping yourself move forward. That just makes the situation worse and you end up feeling dreadful. Plus the people who care for you can find themselves detaching from the negative vortex of energy being created.

Out of all this, the thing to remember is that we are extensions of The All That Is. It is in everything and it flows through everything. Here’s the thing: God didn’t make life difficult for us – we’re quite capable of doing that for ourselves! What God did do, is give us the power to create what we want and all we need do is take responsibility for where we are headed.

The past has happened. No point dwelling on that. No point going on and on about ‘what a dreadful childhood’ you might have had. Or “what my last partner did to me”. The point is it has happened. Will you wallow in the energy of what was, or will you get excited and create something even better for yourself?

Every passing moment brings with it wonderful opportunities for creating exactly what you want. Did I say that already?! I think I did. And do you know what, I’ll say it again…. Every passing moment brings with it wonderful opportunities to create exactly what you want.

What do you want? What would make you feel better than where you are right now? What would make you so happy right now that you could burst with joy? When you are connected with the beautiful, unconditionally loving, selfless Deep Soul within, there is nothing you could want which would harm anyone else, or yourself. When you love yourself enough that you begin to create that which would bring you even more joy, you help others to do the same.

So as you begin this day, and every day, gift yourself permission to enjoy each moment as it arrives. Begin to get excited about the life you are creating for yourself, rather than wallowing in “what has been”. Affirm to yourself each day: Just for today, I take joyful responsibility for creating the life that I want.

Life was meant to a wonderful and enjoyable opportunity to grow and evolve – do you dare allow yourself to experience that? ;-)

Last night I was watching Larkrise to Candleford (which is a period drama surrounding a town and a hamlet, specifically focused upon the Post Office). Dorkus, who owns the Post Office, was in a dilemma about whether to sell the Post Office to secure positions for her staff or keep it and end up losing them. This was all due to an event years ago where she’d let someone down. Despite deeply regretting it and trying to put it right, the other person just continued to try and make her life hell and “pay her back” for what she’d done to him. In the end…. Well you’ll just have to watch it to see what happens! BUT, suffice to say, it all works out for the best one way or another.

It can be incredibly upsetting to see people around us staunchly hanging onto old hurts and putting so much energy into “paying back” others for the pain which was caused. Whether or not the pain was caused intentionally in the first place, I ask is it help to keep hanging onto it? More often than not, when we don’t let go, it is us who suffers the most. Surely that’s just a waste of energy and focus? Were we really put on this earth to “get back” at those who’ve hurt us (whether inadvertently or not?).

Real forgiveness can take some time, admittedly, and one cannot always just forgive overnight. As I have said before – forgiveness does not mean that what was done was “right”, just that one is prepared to let it go and move on. If you find yourself really unable to forgive right now, it can be much more helpful to disengage (whether for the short, medium, or long-term) rather than keep prodding at the wound.

Hanging onto hurt and nurturing the pain it is a bit like realising you have a bad cut on your arm that needs time to heal, and yet you keep pulling at it. Some hurts will heal with some antiseptic cream and a plaster, and others need a visit to hospital and some stitches – maybe even a hospital stay. Taking responsibility for how we feel and for own healing is a huge step along the way to forgiveness and our happiness. Is it really that helpful to continue hanging onto pain years after the event? Just think of all the other things a person can achieve if he/she wasn’t wasting energy focusing on something that has now gone. There’s only so long we can blame others for stopping us moving forward.

When refusing to let go of an old hurt because of pride and resentment, who then becomes the creator of unhappiness for all concerned? The original person who caused the hurt, or the person who will not let it go?

I remember a brilliant quote channeled by Esther Hicks during one hers and Jerry’s Law of Attraction events:

“What is it I am focusing upon in the other person that is stopping me from connecting with who I really am?”

Let’s face it, when we are connected with the Deep Soul within, the Authentic Soul which is full of Purity, we know and understand that NOTHING can really harm us. We are Infinite Beings of Light and Love – part of The All That Is – which is Pure, Perfect Love. It is only when we identify and connect with the Ego Self, which will have us believe that we “need to pay the person back” that we feel discontentment, resentment, and the need for revenge. I know which one I like to choose to connect with. Of course I, like you and so many others, don’t always make the connected straight away, but that’s so where I like to be in the end: connected to Pure, Perfect, Love.

I’ll leave you with this thought – when it comes to healing hurts and wounds, it can be better to disengage rather than dis-empower.

"We have to believe that even the briefest of human connections can heal. Otherwise, life is unbearable" ~ Agate Nesaule

Over the last week I have had a few clients (5 to give you the exact figure) approach me, in one way or another, about dealing with anger and forgiveness. Now when the Universe sends me this kind of thing I usually take notice. If I don’t then the Universe just makes the nudge a little stronger! It got me to thinking about it over the last two days – forgiveness that is. It can be so easy to hang onto and harbour resentment to those whom we believe have hurt us. I know there are going to be messages in my musings today that will push some buttons in some. There will be those who agree with me. Those who don’t. And that’s absolutely fine. We are all where we are and we are all doing the best we can with what we have.

Let me start, then, by saying: Forgiveness is a choice we make moment to moment. Do we forgive someone and begin to move on? Or do we allow ourselves to stand still – or even move backwards? “That’s easy to say not easy to do” is what I hear quite regularly. And my answer is – it’s as easy as we choose to make it. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you think what they did was right, or helpful. It means that you’re prepared to let it go and not allow it to hold the other person and, as importantly, yourself back.

As we go through life we experience things – experience “contrast” if you like and that can be the prompt for us to think and feel lots of different things. But let’s be clear – that’s why we wanted this physical experience in the first place! To experience contrast! Once something has happened it’s up to us to learn from it so that we, and Consciousness as a whole, can grow and evolve. It can be painful at first, but by forgiving we can heal that pain so much more quickly.

It is true that my own mother and I have not always seen eye-to-eye and there have been some quite… how shall I put it… “contrasting experiences” between us! Mostly I feel I’ve let go of the things that I feel hurt by but, every now and then, something will pop into my head about something that happened that sparks an angry and resentful reaction within me. It is then, in those moments, that I do my very best to breathe it out, and let it go. My mother and I are not who we were then. We have both grown. We have both learned. And, most importantly, we have moved on. Why allow myself to go back to that time and experience again and again the things that I felt hurt by? Why resent my mother now and cause current distress for things that have happened in the past? Clearly that is my stuff causing problems in The Now, and not hers. Forgiveness is a choice we make moment to moment.

Let’s take a brief look at the life of Jesus. He spent his life teaching, helping, healing, and learning and, all through it, he dealt with anger and resentment from others who were not ready to hear his message. At the end of it all, he was ridiculed, whipped with a scourge, had a crown of thorns put on his head, and then was nailed to a cross and left to die. I’m not sure if you know, but (as I understand it) the crosses then also had a little platform for those being crucified to use to rest upon. Hanging from your arms alone makes it incredibly difficult to breathe and so many people died on the cross through suffocation. Now that platform was not put there to ease the pain, but to prolong it. After all this, Jesus still managed to be completely forgiving to those that had tortured and hurt him. Surely, if one man can forgive so much, we can forgive too? Forgiveness is a choice we make moment to moment.

To finish off this week’s musing, then, I’ll ask: “do you want to be right or do you want love?” Do your very best to let go of anger as it’s just the Ego Self’s way of keeping you in a place of fear and pain. No one can ask more of you than you at least try to forgive and move on. And that includes forgiving yourself. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean what was done was right, just that you’re prepared to let it go and find peace. Forgiveness is a choice we make, moment to moment.

It gives me absolute, joyful pleasure in announcing the official launch of the Essences of Illumination and Essences of Illuminatrix website.... Karen Peach and I have been working on these essences, the readings, and the website itself for nearly a year now. It's wonderful to see the tree of our loving labours beginning to bear delicious fruit!

You can find the website here

Any feedback you may have is always appreciated (as long as it is constructive of course!)

I will leave it here and all you now to experience the wonderful, balanced energy which is The Essences of Illumination/Illuminatrix

With love and Illuminating Blessings
Alun and Karen